How can a God so majestic love a sinner like me?
Through all the grime and muck in my life, he sees me clearly, throughly, unconditionally as a daughter of great worth.
He chose to hang upon that cross for the sake that I might love him, might choose him, might surrender my life to him.
He knew in the beginning the choices I would make all along the way.
He has stuck by my side through every wrong turn I have made.
He lets me return to him time and time again, with no less of a love for me.
He has given me this very breath to breath, and allows me to use it however I please.
He sees me...for who I am, both inside and out.
He knows me...far better than I'll ever know myself.
He loves me...more than anyone ever could.

How can I not but love a majestic savior like him?
 

It's been a pretty yucky week. 
Can't wait for it to be over. 
But the Lord has blessed me with a beautiful life.
So until it is, 
I shall think of such things. =]

So, for the last long while, I felt like the Lord has asked me to do so many things that I just did not want to do. Like he was asking me to give up so many of the things that I held so near and dear to my heart. I reluctantly surrendered (Jesus kind of has a way of making sure that happens=]). I cried so many times. I felt like my world had come straight down on my head. I never wanted to make the sacrifices. But time and time again, I just heard the Lord asking me what it was in my life that I loved more, Him, or the things that he had allowed me to have. I knew what the right answer was, but honestly, that wasn't what was truth in my heart. I had grown so close to the blessings in my life that I believed I deserved them. Come to find out, I deserve nothing. I am a sinful and wicked person. I do things out of the ugly in my heart and fall short of the mark daily. I do not deserve anything but death. A very shameful death at that. But thats where the beauty of the Lord is found. Though I do not deserve such an amazing thing like grace and mercy, he willingly gives it to me. He loves giving it to me. That is so...so..so far beyond what I can comprehend. I don't even get it. Sometimes though, those things come with a price. Sometimes we have to give up things that cloud our view and overtake the relationship we have with the Lord to receive his forgiveness, grace, and mercy to the fullest. Only when we surrender everything within us and all of the things that we have our heart bonded to, do we fully see the vastness and greatness of our savior. He is such a beautiful savior. I know without a doubt that the things he has asked me to give up will be so worth the sacrifice. He has many splendid things for me. 

I have learned so much through this whole process. I've learned to let go. To trust completely. To find joy in what really matters. That I don't know everything. That being humbled before the Lord is so excruciating, yet so necessary in completing his will for my life (and a never-ending daily process.). That when Jesus asks you to give something up, it isn't because he hates you or wants you to suffer. It's because he loves you, knows whats best for you, and wants to be able to give it to you when you can appreciate it most and when your heart is ready to receive it.

The Lord is so amazing. 




Jeremiah 9:23-24 :

²³ This is what the LORD says:
       "Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom
       or the strong man boast of his strength
       or the rich man boast of his riches,

    ²⁴ but let him who boasts boast about this:
       that he understands and knows me,
       that I am the LORD, who exercises kindness,
       justice and righteousness on earth,
       for in these I delight,"
       declares the LORD.

Psalm 57

    ¹ Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me,
       for in you my soul takes refuge.
       I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings
       until the disaster has passed.

    ² I cry out to God Most High,
       to God, who fulfills {his purpose} for me.

    ³ He sends from heaven and saves me,
       rebuking those who hotly pursue me;
       Selah
       God sends his love and his faithfulness.

    ⁴ I am in the midst of lions;
       I lie among ravenous beasts—
       men whose teeth are spears and arrows,
       whose tongues are sharp swords.

    ⁵ Be exalted, O God, above the heavens;
       let your glory be over all the earth.

    ⁶ They spread a net for my feet—
       I was bowed down in distress.
       They dug a pit in my path—
       but they have fallen into it themselves.
       Selah

    ⁷ My heart is steadfast, O God,
       my heart is steadfast;
       I will sing and make music.

    ⁸ Awake, my soul!
       Awake, harp and lyre!
       I will awaken the dawn.

    ⁹ I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations;
       I will sing of you among the peoples.

    ¹⁰ For great is your love, reaching to the heavens;
       your faithfulness reaches to the skies.

    ¹¹ Be exalted, O God, above the heavens;
       let your glory be over all the earth.

















:is a wonderful chapter for me right now. it spoke to me exactly what i was feeling. and it kicked me in the butt and reminded me that even through this strom...however endless and terrible it seems to be..that I need to praise our creator. That I need to stand up against the devil and show him that my God is bigger than anything he can ever throw at me. 

I am so sick of life. I'm so tired of crying because of a broken heart. And I'm beyond sick of nobody caring. Nobody even noticing. I'm so invisible. Only like three people actually see me. The rest just see me when I make it clear. Like crystal clear. The rest of everyone feels the need to push me down. To say things that don't matter, that are rude, and totally untrue about me. Or they just plain walk right past me.

And by the way...No. I don't get mad when he hangs out with other people. That's one of the most retarded things I've ever heard in my life. Yes..we're best friends. But we both want each other to have other friends too. Life isn't just centered around us two. So hang out with us. Both seperately and together. Talk to us...we really actually want you to. But don't judge us. It's not your place..and that's what makes me mad! 


You know...chruch right now is not a place that I like being. It isn't somewhere that I feel comfortable being. It's not somewhere that I can feel Jesus. It's more like a flippen highschool. And it's actually at chruch where I feel the most rejected. The most alone. The most like I'm not what everyone wants me to be. I can't be my sister. I'm sorry guys. I know you all love her so much. And that's wonderful. But sometimes...honestly...I wish one person would actually love me too for once. But nope. And I guess that's alright. It's my life. That's just how it goes. 



 I just want someone. I search for a friend who will love me. Even though I've messed up time and time again. Someone who can listen to me too. Not just always be the one talking. And not use what I have to say and what I feel against me. Someone who will say "let's hang out" and actually mean it. Somebody who loves Jesus and will challenge me to be someone far greater in and through him. Someone who can teach me to be the kinda friend that I am looking for. I'm actually beginning to think that person doesn't even exsist. And I mean a girl. 




Don't tell me you feel bad for me. I hate that. I don't write on here for that. I write to get things out. So be a good person. Don't talk about what I post. Really..it'll make me far beyond angry..and it doesn't even make you look any better. Okay. Thanks.

Absolutely amazing!!!
I had the best time ever!!
And I have to say that my date looked the best,
But then again, I may be a tad bias. =]
I got to meet then infamous Abby Tinseth.
She's really cool.
Glad that I did.
I also met Ted. 
He was a really cool guy. 
[and he danced like a pro!! =)]
And I also got to meet other sweet people.
Hanging out with Laramie, Cassie, Kyle (I think that's his name.=]), Katerina, Cassie's date(I don't really remember his name either..oops.), Taylor, and Aaron was super duper fun!!!!!!!!
Everyone looked beautiful!
And was so nice! 
I wish you all were there too.
 So, anyways, it was amazing. And I can't wait until next year!! =]
♥

Ode To Joy.
I just think that sounds silly. 
=]

__
.
__
.
__
hum. life again.
how come it just doesn't go away?? 
You know?
why can we take a vaca from most everything else,
but we're stuck day to day with life? 
and we never quite know what it's going to bring us. 
which, is both a blessing, and a bummer at the same time.
__
.
__
.
__
but...
then again, 
that's life right?? =]

Possibly the worst day of my life. =] 

here's the story.

i couldn't sleep last night, so I got like maybe an hour. yippee. 
then i go upstairs and break a pictureframe that i didn't even touch..it just kinda fell ontop of my head.
then we leave for the airport at like 5 in the morning. good fun.
once we get there, we check in with no problems at all. 
get through security with no problems either.
THEN...(this is where it gets good. =])...we go to board. 
get straight into the walkway thing, and are told that we can't board the plane.
Come to find out, something went wrong in the plane somewhere.
there was a small fire and the fire extinguishers released into the passenger place. 
The firetrucks come, and basically decide that we can't fly that plane. 
So, our flight gets cancelled. 
We go back down to the ticket place, and wait for 2 hours in the line (45 min. of it was just sitting in one place. no joke.)
we get to the front of the line, and our sister calls and tells us that we don't need to be in the line anymore.
Go figure. 
then we walk all the way to literally the other end of the ticket things to the american airlines ticket thing, and are told that we need to get back in line at the united gate.
where we had just waited for so long. =]
Luckly, the people we were infront of were still in the front of the line, so we didn't have to wait in the line..all over again.
so, we get our tickets and then go all the way back over to the american place and get new tickets.
it's like 11:45 by this time. 
we go back through security,
and my bag gets checked twice this time. how i made it through the first time with no problems. they made me throw away all of my sunscreen, lotion, and body spray. yay. so i now have none of that.
we get through finally, and get to the gate. we find out that our flight to chicago won't get us there in time to make our connecting flight to moline. where jenn is picking us up. 
So we change tickets for the third time i think, and call mom, and have her pick us up. at like 1 o'clock. 

So that seriously was our day. 
No lies.
And i'm probably missing some things. 


So yes. that was mine and stephs wonderful day.
so tomorrow, we go back to the airport and try all over again.

Wish us luck. Aparantly we need it. =]

It's no big surprise that when you come up in conversation,
i become utterly speechless.
There are so many things I would love to say,
yet i lack the words to express myself.
I don't understand these things.
these emotions, thoughts, and actions.
Things like why I can spend all day with you,
and still miss you after five minutes of being gone.
Or, why I care more about your dreams, feelings and accomplishments,
and sometimes seem to neglect my own.
Or, why I still feel beautiful with every glance you throw my way,
though you don't often realize that i notice.
Along with many things I have not listed here, 
(if i listed them all, this could go on forever). 
It's almost as if it could be that thing the call love,
but that seems to be much to cliche a phrase. 


_______


I guess it's time now to wait,
pray about it and listen for an answer.
Whatever it may be,
i just want you to know,
That you have made my life more beautiful.
You have taught me things I didn't believe I deserved.
You have shown me things I never thought I'd see.
You have cherished me in a way that has restored my confidence. 


_______


And all this to say,
Best Friend, I treasure you.
More than I have words to express.